National Adoption Month

I have been reminded that it is National Adoption Month and it of course makes me grateful for Katrina. I am soooo grateful for the miracle of adoption. To me it is one of the greatest expresssions of human love and selflessnes. The best moment in my life was with my husband when we met Katrina's birthparents V and K. Her birthfather V, handed her, the little bundle to me. It was so perfect. There were so very few words. But, so much was communicated. Through tears we said thank you. And they told us, "Thank you" over and over. I could see and feel and know the deepest love they had for her. They truly cherished us because we were going to care for her. Unknowing people have said it must have been awkward. But it was perfect and so full of love. So meant to be. We embraced and exchanged contact information. It was surreal. I play the movie picture by picture in my head. It was better than I could have ever dreamed it. Dave and I held our daughter in the family room in the hospital and replayed all that had just happened. We looked at her from head to toe and took her perfect little body all in. We bundled her up on that January evening, only her second day of life. Dave carried the bags. I carried our daugther out of the hospital. And, that is how we met Katrina.

I hope that anyone who is waiting doesn't stop believing. Please keep believing! All the lawyers and paperwork and Federal and State and agency policies that are so frustrating along the way, and even after the adoption are not really what it is about. Adoption is about the miracle of the best Love that humankind can express. I still marvel at it. I don't think that will ever stop.

Amazing Bond

I catch myself in utter amazement when I'm watching Katrina. Today, though, it was different. I wonder if all mothers feel it during the beginning toddler years. Its a separateness. I look at her and realize she is not me. She is her own person. More and More she wants to run away and play 'catch me'. and she wants to use her fork by herself. She needs to try to put her socks on before she'll let me help her. We're no longer as much one identity.

She crawls up on that couch. looks at me across the room. raises her arms in absolute delight! She DID IT! She is beaming! She knows she is separate and her little body is growing and can accomplish these big feats. New challenges everyday.

Our relationship now is like her favorite game of peek a boo. I'm there, but I'm not.

I am sooo much looking ahead for all that is to come. And I'm not really grieving for anything that is gone.

I am marveling as I realize my BOND with my daughter. I am in COMPLETE AWE. Perhaps I never believed we would ever feel attached in any physical way. But, as I so strangely feel this space between us now, its as if we once were.

Birthday

Katrina had so much fun on her birthday last Friday! We went to the adoption lawyer's office. She played with all the attorneys and legal assistants - seriously. They were all ogling over her and gave her a full tour of the office. She then shut the door in all of their faces when she wanted our meeting to begin. (Shutting doors is one of her VERY FAVORITE things to do.) Then, Mean Mommy took her to her pediatrician for her shots. She made me feel badly, but was giggly and walking around as soon as we were back out in the waiting room. :) Then, of course the birthday weekend began. She's only celebrated with Mommy and Daddy and her 'puppy brothers' so far. But, cake is all she cared about. :) Julie

9 mos.

Today, Our Katie is 9 mos. old. WOW. It has been amazing having her. She has grown sooo much. I mean, I guess that's an obvious. But, From that little babe we first met in the hospital until now. All the milestones. All those gazes, rocking her to sleep, the first smiles to the screams of excitement now. The LOUD babbles when she was first finding her voice. LOL. And now, she understands so much of what we say. It is all so amazing. So MUCH has happened in just 9 mos. BUT, I HAVE really tried to take it all in. I really tried to heed the advice of all the moms out there and enjoy EVERY moment. And there have been countless moments that have just awed us as new parents. In this regard, 9 mos. has seemed like a long time.

I also keep thinking that we have had her now just as long as her birthmom, firstmom, lifemother carried and cared for her. I am so eternally grateful that she loved her during and beyond those 9 mos to give her life. I will never know what 9 mos of pregnancy will feel like, let alone 9 months of pregnancy while making an adoption plan, but I am pretty sure it was not a fast 9 mos. I am willing to bet she was very aware of K. And felt very deeply all of the changes caused by her presence. I can only imagine. That is her story of our daughter. For now, things remains a one-sided conversation between us. But I suppose we have a connection much stronger than words.

Katie's First Halloween Party

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Yesterday, Katie went to her first Halloween Party. It was sponsored by Sofia. Lets see if I can remember what Sofia stands for. Support something Families something Adoption. hmmmm. Its always nice to get together with other families formed through adoption. A lot of the people there were with me and my ups and downs to Katrina (The Yahoo support group). And now some of them are waiting for #2. Oh, the wait is SOOO hard! I think it is still so close because I know we want a bigger family and with that comes another wait or two or ..., and there is no telling what kind of Waits they will be. But, its sooo nice that we who have been through it and are waiting for our firsts all have each other. Well, here is Katie, the Pink Leapord.