In Katie's Eyes

Brown and Black

2010-02-23T09:38:00.005-05:00

So, Katrina is continuing to understand and challenge her surrounding world and language. She is so keen and doesn't miss a thing. And soo talkative that we hear about it all. ;)

It has been fascinating to me to watch her language skills develop and truly see the world through her eyes. As we all know, children are ego-centric. Her first issue with the English language was gender. EVERY doll and stuffed animal she owns is a girl. She may name them after a beloved boy, such as Levi, but the doll remains "she". She used to relentlesly correct adults when they referred to her "Hop Hop" as "he". It saddened me a bit when she stopped correcting people. I guess she just gave up at trying to be heard. Or maybe she just thinks we are all nuts.

She has moved on to unraveling the terms, "black", "brown" and "African-American". She was barely 2 when she surprised me and Dave, announcing she was Black. We didn't quite know how to respond, as we hadn't really used that term yet. We said, "Yes. You are African American. Some people say "black". We had always talked about her beautiful brown skin. She has known her colors for a good long time. Perhaps it is societies' confusion she is stuck on now. So, now, seemingly, in an attempt to appease all the crazy adults in her life, she says, "black and brown". Neither black nor brown is an independent color. If something is of that particular hue, it is "black and brown". Perhaps there is even more insight or analogy in her exclamation the other day that I was "black and brown" like her because i was wearing a brown sweatsuit.

I don't know what is next, but i am sure she is going to keep us on our toes and make me rethink much of my world. Here, in my peach-skined, Euro-American self.

National Adoption Month

2008-11-04T17:47:00.006-05:00

I have been reminded that it is National Adoption Month and it of course makes me grateful for Katrina. I am soooo grateful for the miracle of adoption. To me it is one of the greatest expresssions of human love and selflessnes. The best moment in my life was with my husband when we met Katrina's birthparents V and K. Her birthfather V, handed her, the little bundle to me. It was so perfect. There were so very few words. But, so much was communicated. Through tears we said thank you. And they told us, "Thank you" over and over. I could see and feel and know the deepest love they had for her. They truly cherished us because we were going to care for her. Unknowing people have said it must have been awkward. But it was perfect and so full of love. So meant to be. We embraced and exchanged contact information. It was surreal. I play the movie picture by picture in my head. It was better than I could have ever dreamed it. Dave and I held our daughter in the family room in the hospital and replayed all that had just happened. We looked at her from head to toe and took her perfect little body all in. We bundled her up on that January evening, only her second day of life. Dave carried the bags. I carried our daugther out of the hospital. And, that is how we met Katrina.

I hope that anyone who is waiting doesn't stop believing. Please keep believing! All the lawyers and paperwork and Federal and State and agency policies that are so frustrating along the way, and even after the adoption are not really what it is about. Adoption is about the miracle of the best Love that humankind can express. I still marvel at it. I don't think that will ever stop.

The Top Things I Love about my daughter

2008-10-09T16:06:00.007-04:00

The top ? things I love about our Katrina - however many I get done until she wakes up from her nap.

1.She thinks everything is hers. Pretty typical toddler stuff. But it gets a little humorous when she starts pushing you off the toilet, saying, "my potty, me pee pee", even if you JUST LET HER GO before you. (At least she can be reasoned with - a little.)

2.Everything and Anything can prompt her to sing a song and then change her song to a different song mid-song. (A letter -The alphabet song), (a candle or fire - Happy Birthday,)the word "dear", or picture of a dear, (Oh dear, what can the matter be) You get it.

3.She lets us hold her before bed. And she has to know where everyone is and what they are doing, and that she will get to eat the next day, before she will settle down and get into her crib. Its kinda like this ....Katrina says, "Daddy, Popo, Tobey, cracker, cup." I say, "Daddy's going to go to bed soon. Popo and Tobey are laying down. You can have crackers tomorrow. Mommy will put your cup in the fridge for tomorrow." Then, she'll lay down and go to sleep. Just like that. I envy that her list is so short.

4.I still love how she holds "Hophop", her bunny.

5.Sometimes she has to sleep with extra things in her crib, like the last thing she played with. ie, ball-popper, big rubber balls, books, see-n-say.

6.In the morning, when she wakes, She throws, actually, chucks everything out of her crib. And then she calls for me or Daddy. If we don't answer right away, she calls for Tobey and PoPo, and then, Hophop who she just flung out of the crib.

7.I love still, when she waits to get our attention and then does things on purpose and then says, "oops" or "uh ohhh"

8.I love when we tell her she has to finish her dinner before she can have a cookie and she immediately calls, "Popo, Tobey" and looks at us so innocently as if we can't hear her or see what she is up to.

9.I love that everytime she passes flowers she wants to pick one. Sometimes we plan to give it to someone. Unless it is for one of her grandmothers, she changes her mind and says, "MINE" and "NO", when I remind her it is for someone else.

10. I love that she ALWAYS thinks I am funny when I laugh at my own jokes and she pretends to get all the jokes I tell her.

11. I love that she is concerned when other little ones cry.

12. I love how she is her own little person, already. She makes me beam.

"Sun, Sun Mr. Golden Sun"

2008-09-08T17:32:00.023-04:00

I haven't written in a while. So now its all garbled thoughts... . Its been hard to write about Katie lately when i feel guilty that i am holding her up somehow with my aches and pains and even just the "sungarb" I have to wear to set foot outside. I just want to be free to write about her toddlerhood. I've concluded recently that I don't think 19 mo. olds experience seasons so often in their lives like we adults. When she feels the sun on her face or sees it in the sky, she sings, "Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, please shine down on me." And, she knows that Mommy is always willing to cuddle, just sometimes it has to be sitting down.

So, HERE'S TO the summer with Katie and swimming in sunhats and long sleeve shirts.

Leo made himself at home at the cabin and found his very own bed.

Katie making sure she is keeping up with her summer reading program.

The beginning of Katrina's modeling career.

In my Daughter's Eyes
Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
It puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

Circus

2008-07-24T13:02:00.013-04:00

Way back in April, We went to the Circus with Grandma and Grandpa. Here are the pics! All of Katie, of course.! Looking at them, I realize how much she has changed in just 3 mos.! Oh, and the guy in the last pic next to Grandma is not Grandpa. Katie just kept trying to play "beep beep" on his nose, so we caught him in a shot. :)

of tails and belly button stickers

2008-07-24T12:05:00.006-04:00

Hi all,

Its been a long while!! I'll have to post some pics to catch up. We are on to the comedy of potty training. We have a book that Katie loves and she gets a sticker every time she "goes". There is a chart, but lately, she puts the sticker on her belly button, and securely pats her shirt down over it. She shows it proudly to anyone she thinks might be interested.

We have some equipment confusions as Katie wants to stand up and aim and has done quite well with this in the bath tub. She has also labeled daddy's "equipment" as "tail". Daddy says, Katie, tails are in the back." Ohhh, so many things to learn. We are trying to clear up some of these innocent misunderstandings before she is scarred for life.

Kelli

2008-06-19T16:51:00.007-04:00

This post is ALL ABOUT my beautiful, amazing, kind, laughable, tender friend Kelli. She is a SURVIVOR. A FIGHTER. of the big C. in a BIG WAY!!! Like, if there was a content of survivorship and having to FIGHT, she's be at the top!!! She got some not so great news this past week, but she's picking herself up and her faith is helping her to carry on. To be honest, I want to cry, but I am not, Because this FIGHT is SO NOT OVER!!!! She NEEDS to know she is not alone. If you want to help her know she is thought of, visit her blog and just let her know. There will be more ways to let her know you care. I'll keep you posted.

My Link isn't working. Her blog is listed to the left of the screen as Kelli's blog.

finger (to nose) painting

2008-04-26T07:38:00.011-04:00

Easter Day

2008-03-24T12:04:00.004-04:00

Katrina and Great Nana

Here's Katrina being the Easter "Ham"

We had a fun day yesterday. Daddy was sick, but Katie and I went to church and then got together with Grandma and Grandpa, Great aunt Peggy, Josh and Great Nana. We went out to a restaurant this year for an Easter dinner, which was a first. It was acutally quite relaxing and stress-free. (no cooking and no dishes, no crowding in the kitchen!) Being the only child, Katie certainly did NOT lack for attention and ate it all up. She is NOT shy when around people she knows!!

more fun with Cheerios

2008-03-20T09:56:00.003-04:00

So, Katie was eating her breakfast and she pointed at the box of Cheerios. I said, "You HAVE Cheerios on your tray." She then looked at me and placed 3 Cheerios on her head.

Amazing Bond

2008-03-11T22:57:00.005-04:00

I catch myself in utter amazement when I'm watching Katrina. Today, though, it was different. I wonder if all mothers feel it during the beginning toddler years. Its a separateness. I look at her and realize she is not me. She is her own person. More and More she wants to run away and play 'catch me'. and she wants to use her fork by herself. She needs to try to put her socks on before she'll let me help her. We're no longer as much one identity.

She crawls up on that couch. looks at me across the room. raises her arms in absolute delight! She DID IT! She is beaming! She knows she is separate and her little body is growing and can accomplish these big feats. New challenges everyday.

Our relationship now is like her favorite game of peek a boo. I'm there, but I'm not.

I am sooo much looking ahead for all that is to come. And I'm not really grieving for anything that is gone.

I am marveling as I realize my BOND with my daughter. I am in COMPLETE AWE. Perhaps I never believed we would ever feel attached in any physical way. But, as I so strangely feel this space between us now, its as if we once were.

Toddling

2008-03-11T19:58:00.007-04:00

I know It looks like she's just sleeping. But, really, She's GROWING!! And ... she's dreaming about all the hard playing she's going to do tomorrow!

A-toddling she is. There is NO denying. She has sprouted a few inches seemingly overnight. Her pants and jammies suddenly are too short and she's climbing up on the couch like its her job! If she ONLY knew she can't FLY off!! She is really earning her sleep these days. She just doesn't stop! She motors around sooo fast. Never walking, but pattering to her self-choreographed dance and the music in her head. She is just a BALL OF ENERGY!! Full of hugs and kisses and giggles and squeels. She is growing up so fast! I JUST LOVE IT and HER SOOO MUCH!

Notice Anything Different?

2008-02-27T12:41:00.001-05:00

No, not just this silly face!!

Now, Can you guess?

Mommy did it all by herfelse! I learn so many haircare tips on the AA hair and skincare yahoo group. I NEVER thought I would cut my daughter's hair!! I have memories of MY mom using the "masking tape trick" to cut my bangs straight. But she cut Under the masking tape instead of above the masking tape, so then had to take the masking tape off my hair. OUCH!! I used NO such tricks!! Katie was not traumatized and we got rid of some split ends and fuzzies. But, I will miss these cute little ringlets.

Chocolate

2008-02-15T15:39:00.000-05:00

Katrina recommends chocolate for teething. Really. You can almost see those endorphines in action! Just from one low-fat Oreo!

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T16:33:00.001-05:00

Katie loves her hair right after her bath. She runs her fingers through it while it is still wet and the curls so smooth!! Baths make her soooo tired too!
This is what happens when Daddy and Katie get together. Silly Daddy!

Grammy and Grandpa N. sent this outfit JUST in time for Valentine's Day!! Always so thoughtful even though so far away!
Katie's hair is sooooo long now, I have to hold her front braids back with barrettes to keep them off her nose. :)

the TOP 7 things I LOVE about Katrina. I of course, could go on.

2008-02-07T09:45:00.002-05:00

When she gets up every morning, she waves out her window to the new day.

She dances to any music. She hear music in everything. - Even a handsaw going back and forth.

She squeals in glee and giggles contagiously when our "puppies" play.

Her newest game. She walks behind a chair then back out and says " - a- boo"

I love how she shakes her head to clack her beads together.

I love how she snuggles her "cuddle bear"

I love how she brings book after book to read with us and says "Mo" We think "More"?

It!

2008-02-06T06:44:00.000-05:00

My SIL, Shelley from http://thewoodbetween.wordpress.com got me in a game of tag. I thought I was WAY faster than her, BUT, I wasn't looking. So, now I am going to get 7 of YOU!!! Here are the rules:
Once you are tagged, link back to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Post 7 random or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
Tag 7 people and link to them.
Comment on their blog to let them know they have been tagged.

My list of blogs tagged:

www.Catherinepark.blogspot.com

http://www.gardenvarietyfamily.com/ Karin- LOTS oF things to do Here. Send Quilt Squares.... READ UP...

http://jodiegirl.blogspot.com/ (Jodie's Random thoughts)

http://terriwantstoblogto.blogspot.com (I'm patient as Long as I don't have to wait for anything)

http://wearenow3.blogspot.com/ (We are now 3) - Colette

http://peace1112.blogspot.com/ Sweetpeace

http://waiting-for-little-one.blogspot.com/ - Sue

7 random or weird thoughts about me:

1. I am convinced that I will eventually have to be tube-fed. My food allergies are SOO ridiculous and keep getting worse. I cannot eat ANY raw fruits or vegetables, nuts, seeds. I get hives in my mouth and throat. So perhaps with tube-feeding, weight loss goals would be easier. :)

2. I get panicky feeling if I can't move for too long, like if Katie falls asleep on me in a weird position and its hard to get up without waking her. It makes me crazy!

3. I honestly need constant supervision for deadlines, but I work from home. (I'm learning to push myself a little.)

4. Unlike my SIL, who wasn't that sad when her dog died, (See http://thewoodbetween.wordpress.com), I have immense attachment and compassion for my dogs and always did. When in college, I applied my newly learned desensitization technique from behavioral Psychology to my dog and helped him get over his fear of the stairs. From then on, he slept upstairs, wanting to get on the bed with whomever. My mom was SO HAPPY with me for that.

5. I should be working right now, but it's Shelley's fault. She used to get in trouble for socializing too much in school AND at work.

6. I enjoy matching Katie's socks. They are really just so cute.

7. I think I would be a good Private Detective. I am very good at obsessing and have urges to find out the truth by stalking or any other means when someone is being wronged. (Ummm, NO I have NEVER done this.)

Birthday

2008-01-24T20:34:00.001-05:00

Katrina had so much fun on her birthday last Friday! We went to the adoption lawyer's office. She played with all the attorneys and legal assistants - seriously. They were all ogling over her and gave her a full tour of the office. She then shut the door in all of their faces when she wanted our meeting to begin. (Shutting doors is one of her VERY FAVORITE things to do.) Then, Mean Mommy took her to her pediatrician for her shots. She made me feel badly, but was giggly and walking around as soon as we were back out in the waiting room. :) Then, of course the birthday weekend began. She's only celebrated with Mommy and Daddy and her 'puppy brothers' so far. But, cake is all she cared about. :) Julie

We're still here.

2008-01-24T20:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so Christmas has gone by... and YES, Katrina is now 1 year old!!!

Here are a whole bunch of pics! Random of course! :) Julie

Bundle of Energy

2007-11-12T19:24:00.001-05:00

Katie is on the move - Constantly! Life is now flying by. Her top left tooth just came in last week to make three! She's blowing kisses. Waving to EVERYONE and almost everything,(ie. falling leaves); not just puppies anymore. She has these bursts of energy while running across the room and she stops and claps and does "Sooo Big" with her hands and claps and repeats the whole little cheer over and over. She is QUITE proud of everything her little body can do! She is a bundle of energy and Joy! She's definitely winning at the sock battle. Though today we are tied. One on, one off. Healthy cheerful silly happy little girl!

First steps

2007-10-30T17:15:00.002-04:00

That's right! Katrina took her first steps on Daddy's birthday! 10/26. :) She is still mostly crawling, but when coaxed, or, if she is excited and forgets to find something to hold onto, she is off and walking. Quite quickly, too.

Walking or crawling or creeping, she is ALWAYS on the move. And really starting to get into things. Definitely time to baby proof EVERYTHING!!! :)

No walking Pictures yet, But Katie wants to know if anyone's seen her Cheerio?

9 mos.

2007-10-18T20:53:00.000-04:00

Today, Our Katie is 9 mos. old. WOW. It has been amazing having her. She has grown sooo much. I mean, I guess that's an obvious. But, From that little babe we first met in the hospital until now. All the milestones. All those gazes, rocking her to sleep, the first smiles to the screams of excitement now. The LOUD babbles when she was first finding her voice. LOL. And now, she understands so much of what we say. It is all so amazing. So MUCH has happened in just 9 mos. BUT, I HAVE really tried to take it all in. I really tried to heed the advice of all the moms out there and enjoy EVERY moment. And there have been countless moments that have just awed us as new parents. In this regard, 9 mos. has seemed like a long time.

I also keep thinking that we have had her now just as long as her birthmom, firstmom, lifemother carried and cared for her. I am so eternally grateful that she loved her during and beyond those 9 mos to give her life. I will never know what 9 mos of pregnancy will feel like, let alone 9 months of pregnancy while making an adoption plan, but I am pretty sure it was not a fast 9 mos. I am willing to bet she was very aware of K. And felt very deeply all of the changes caused by her presence. I can only imagine. That is her story of our daughter. For now, things remains a one-sided conversation between us. But I suppose we have a connection much stronger than words.

flu

2007-10-16T13:11:00.000-04:00

An oldie, but a goodie. This picture always makes me smile. :) Today, I feel like I have the flu. I ache all over, head to- well, ankles. But, I don't have the flu. Its fibromyalgia, I am told. It stinks. I am sore. When Katie cries, I think, ugh, ow. And I feel guilty. I want to lift her high above my head and make her giggle, but instead I get her where she needs to be. I am just not as fun a mom during these spurts. I am really not quite settled with this. I have yet to say the words, "I have fibromyalgia." (That doesn't count). I have said, "I've been diagnosed with fibromyalgia. "Its the fibromyalgia", referring to pain and aches and forgetfulness. But, I'm still waiting for a better curable diagnosis, one that goes away. Granted, if I DID have fibromyalgia, it wouldn't be THAT bad! Its not a death sentence. I'm NOT really SICK. Its just sort of an invisible annoying condition? that i feel like i should just get over already. Half the time i try to convince myself its real while i'm educating those around me that really it makes sense that I have it. I couldn't believe it had a connection to endometriosis, an actual disease! Oh, well, yes, i recognize my issues. :) Julie

Katie's First Halloween Party

2007-10-14T15:10:00.002-04:00

a

Yesterday, Katie went to her first Halloween Party. It was sponsored by Sofia. Lets see if I can remember what Sofia stands for. Support something Families something Adoption. hmmmm. Its always nice to get together with other families formed through adoption. A lot of the people there were with me and my ups and downs to Katrina (The Yahoo support group). And now some of them are waiting for #2. Oh, the wait is SOOO hard! I think it is still so close because I know we want a bigger family and with that comes another wait or two or ..., and there is no telling what kind of Waits they will be. But, its sooo nice that we who have been through it and are waiting for our firsts all have each other. Well, here is Katie, the Pink Leapord.

The Transformation

2007-10-08T19:29:00.001-04:00

It was a busy weekend with a lot of hair-doing involved. On Friday evening, I was sooo impressed with Katie as she let me wash, part, braid and bead her hair. With some cheerios, all the tightly closed ziploc bags of beads and snaps on the floor, a brush and toys piled high all around her, I only had to do a few braids to as she crawled or stood to get "on the go". Well, as I was finishing the maybe a bit early, but I thought quite cute, halloween-do, we got a phone call regarding a family death. Yeah, a funeral. (No one real close, so excuse my continuation of my obsession with my daughter's hair without another word of, I think, Katrina's Great Great Great Uncle who passed.)

I think I was so tickled with my work and my, umm, I mean, Katrina's, new beads that it wasn't until hours later that I realized, .... OH, I suppose the beaded words, "ghost" and "boo" probably aren't appropriate for the occasion. So, Katrina sat again. She was soooo good. Not, quite as still. We took 3 sittings to switch the beads and separate a few braids into two. I can't really blame her for being a bit annoyed. Its funny, I think she knows by now that if she lets me fix her hair, I shouldn't be allowed to fuss with it again for several days, (except for spraying it and a little tending). Within a short time was transformed from very scary Halloween Babe back into Princess Katrina. I really have to admire her for her amazing flexibility.

photos. Gotta run. Katie's up from her "Kit kat nap"

2007-10-03T19:29:00.001-04:00

Just a couple photos. The first from August. Katie on this giant king size bed. She had so much fun rolling and rolling and rolling.

Second photo is at Daddy's work picnic. The kids all got pirate toys. Here's Katie. Pulls it off pretty well. Almost made her a pirate for Halloween!

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. - Elizabeth Stone

2007-10-02T23:18:00.002-04:00

Katrina looks like such a big girl now. She's 8 1/2 months already. She is crawling fast! and then pulling herself up with anything (couch, leg, lamp). Then, walking along the couch and now, starting yesterday, letting go, and standing on her own for about 30 seconds. She is soooo happy. The squeals she can let loose are just amazing and contagious! Its impossible to be in a bad mood around her! She is my biggest fan! She squeals so loud just because I entered the room! Only thing is, sometimes she cries when I leave. :(

She is waving now too- to us, mom, dad, and her 2 puppy brothers across the room, and whenever we enter or leave the room. We go for walks and she waves at all the dogs and talks to them. And then she just stares at all the people waving to her. lol. Its quite funny.

Well, Cuddlebug wants some attention. Guess i should go. I'm sooooo glad she is still a cuddle bug and lets us hold her bottle and rock her to sleep! Its amazing the bond. How much she totally and completely trusts us. This whole mom thing. Will I EVER be able to wrap my heart around it?